tumble dryer

Christ is Born!
Glorify Him!

yet another Christmas here and gone. sad to think about. didn't even feel like the holiday. one week until the new year. 2010. how weird. i'm getting old.

i'm also lonely. for a man. don't get me wrong, there are plenty of guys who like me, and i like plenty of guys (kind of an understatement) but i never like the guys who like me, and the guys that i like don't even pay attention to me/realize that i exist. i miss the security of "sillyface"...but it wasn't secure. it was nice to have someone there, but i never knew when we would next talk, and that was always really difficult. it's so weird...maybe i have super high expectations, but i just can't find anyone. like, i can't find anyone to date, much less my prince charming. when will i ever find him? i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm very discouraged. i rarely get "that kind" of attention from guys and when i do, it's either insincere, or else they are autistic or just someone who is an amazing friend and i wouldn't want to ruin that/ i don't have feelings for them.

now, in this society, at least when it comes to high school dating, it seems like more and more, you don't have to be infatuated by a person before you date them. you can just think they're cute, or even not think anything positive at all about the person. why are these things normal?it's ridiculous to date someone, to have an intimate, sincere relationship with anyone unless you really know that person and are sincerely determined to spend the rest of your life together.

don't get me wrong...i love going to movies, starbucks, and so forth with guys. it's a lot of fun. just as long as it's only that. a cup of coffee. a movie. a chat to better understand the other person. all of these are wonderful things. buttt....it seems like it's more acceptable for my friends/acquaintances to do that with someone they barely know and call it a date, let's make this a habit.

i know my writing skills are sub-par, so let me just make this clear to you: i HATE the idea of dating on a whim, or dating just to date. it makes my spine crawl! i don't know why i found it necessary to say that, but there are have it, folks: i'm lonely, discouraged and upset with the idea of dating just to date.

when i finally find someone who truly loves me for the crazy, dumb, insane person that i am, and when we start dating, it's gonna be sincere. i know it. i won't be able to dispel this lonliness with just anyone. it's gonna have to be someone very special. i hate being mature. but i shouldn't be discouraged because some day my prince will come. i may meet him in a few years, or i may turn around tomorrow and realize that it's somebody who's been there all along.

i'm also tired of being the girl who's ignored for being the "good girl". the modest one who honestly tries not to flirt or do anything wrong. i hate being pushed away because i have morals. i know, those guys aren't worth my time, but it still hurts because they're usually the only ones who pay attention to me. at least until they start talking to me and realize that i won't give them what they want, and don't even want to talk about it. all of the good guys, the ones who i truly admore and want to spend my time with, well, either i don't have feelings for them, or they don't realize that i just wanna be their friend, in my own, creepy manner. i don't know. i'm usually not great at articulating, so sorry that this is just a random jumble of nothingness. but that's how my brain feels right now. like it went through a tumble dryer.

happy 2nd day of Christmas!

happy november!

random pictures of the fall
happy family days
i love fall

i love my family

for realz?

i am on the school computers. they won't let me on very many websites. this and yahoo. no facebook. no myspace. no livejournal. nothin but blogger and yahoo. maybe this will force me to blog more frequently. probably not. well, i am still alive, in case you were wondering. today i get to go home at 10:30, eat tacos for lunch and tonight at silver wings we start choreography! what a beautiful day. i am very happy. i guess we are coming here again for research for english class. the research is pointless. i know everything about my character for the canterbury tales. therefore, i might just blog when we come here again third period. so perhaps i will see you again soon!

what's with the picture?

well, i have discovered that my more interesting posts involve me just sitting down and writing random things about my life. the down side to this plan is that my posts have no structure. they don't have a specific form or topic for the day. so, bear with me. i'm still trying to figure this whole thing out.

my heart hurts. i miss you lots and lots. you know who you are. i hope you're reading this and missing me too.

i'm listening to the song "vanilla twilight" by owl city right now. it makes me wanna cry cuz it's so sweet. i'm very glad that i finally listened to it though. for a while i wasn't interested in listening to this song for the silly reason that the title has the word "twilight" in it. wow...how lame is that? now i'm in love with the song! thanks for making me listen to it, jo!

"as many times as i blink, i'll think of you tonight"

i have to leave for orientation at work in an hour. i'm a little nervous about it, but it should be an interesting experience. at least i'll be making some money, right?

so, something that i've been experiencing recently: denying how old i am. i mean, this is so silly! i'm not old enough to lie about my age, and yet, as long as i'm not talking to a hot guy, i'm very tempted to tell a fib. i was at target with my mom last night and i kept talking about the "jonas" backpack and the hello kitty shirts...i think she got rather sick of me asking for all of these ridiculous silly things. she asked me why i was acting so dumb, and that was when i realized that i keep acting like this because i don't feel like a senior. i don't feel like i should be 18 in less than a year. i feel like a should be 12. that seems so much more logical to me (SPOCK!). anyway, i DO feel kinda dumb in a way for acting like that and freaking out over jonas and hsm and hello kitty when i truly think it's all so terribly silly. i just wanna feel 12 again. however, so far 17 has been my favorite age. i distinctly remember hating being 12...i don't remember specifics, but i do know that it wasn't my favorite age. so why do i keep wanting to be 12 if this is the best year of my life so far, and 12 was very far from that? i keep asking myself this: what is so magical about 12 that makes me want to be that age again? i'm thinking it may have something to do with the fact that louisa still lived close(ish) at the time. in those days, it was unusual if we saw each other less than 3 times a week. i DO miss those days. i never thought that it would end. never for a moment guessed that two days after my 14th birthday, i would be given the worst news of my life. wow, i feel nostalgic right now!

i still have about 8 cans of mountain dew. just drop by if you wanna chat over a drink of mountain dew!

pressure

so, this whole blog thing intrigues me. i can't figure out how to work it into my life. yes, i write posts...in a notebook, intending to post it on here asap. by the time i realize that i have a blog waiting to be typed and posted, it's too late. i'm not in the same mood as i was when i originally wrote it. and yes, that makes a difference. all the difference in the world. if i'm depressed or sad one afternoon and i write this wonderful blog expressing precisely what i'm feeling and i have every intention of posting it in the vast unknown of the world wide web...then i get home and suddenly i feel pretty, witty and gay, i have no desire to describe to the world my deepest, darkest feelings. i mean...really!

so now the pressure is on. my brother recently acquired a blog and i see him typing, typing, typing all the time. why must a feel this pressure to post a blog? i mean, i don't do it, i don't do it, right? who cares whether i have 7 or 3,967 posts...no one reads this thing anyway. so, no one's counting and no one cares...or DO you??? so this is a desperate post...must blog, must blog, must blog! blog zombie (wow, i'm lame, lol!)

in more recent and probably more interesting news, my toe nails are painted pink. not princess pink...hot, hot, HAWT pink! and i mean HHHHHOTTTTT! like i see steam coming off of my cute, little toesies!

louisa's hoody is hangin on the wood rocker...i miss her bunches and bunches and she hasn't even been on the plane for 2 hours! i need to clean the spare room...it's a mess. i have a feeling that our dorm in college will never, ever be clean, lol! how silly we are. i have like 10 cans of mountain dew upstairs that i will have to drink by myself now that louisa is gone. since you should never drink alone, does anyone want to come and share? just wondering! even if you live in brazil...that would be better than drinking all of that pop all by my little old lonesome!

i finished my lunch, so now i must take some dirty laundry downstairs and then go clean that horrid room. so, good bye to all of you beautiful people!

A Glimpse At My Life Right Now

listening to: legos, conversation, bird chatter

wanting: Louisa to hurry up and call back

needing: lots and lots of sleep

happening now: unwinding from a stressful day, putting my feet up, drinking coffee

wishing for: prince charming, no headache, a lovely thunderstorm

just finished: "the last olympian" by rick riordan

can't wait: till dark

wearing: jeans, black and white striped shirt under orange tank, scarf, no socks

current toe-nail color: blue

movie recently finished: ocean's 12

woke up: too early

thinking about: senior year, lou's visit, graduation, guys, the future

one thing i don't want to deal with in the future: pimples

if no one was around right now, i would:wear shorty shorts and a tank, watch a good movie, eat lots of ice cream, go to bed early WITHOUT doing the dishes

if i could eat one thing right now, it would be: a can of regular pringles chips

one thing i will never do: date a vampire...werewolves all the way!

Pascha!!!

This is the sermon that is preached in every church around the waorld, every year at Pascha. It was written by St. John Chrysostom (347-407, the Archbishop of Constantinople). Christ is Risen!

Are there any who are devout lovers of God?

Let them enjoy this beautiful bright festival!
Are there any who are grateful servants?

Let them rejoice and enter into the joy of their Lord!
Are there any weary from fasting?

Let them now receive their due!
If any have toiled from the first hour, let them receive their reward.
If any have come after the third hour,let them with gratitude join in the feast!
Those who arrived after the sixth hour,let them not doubt; for they shall not be short-changed.
Those who have tarried until the ninth hour,let them not hesitate; but let them come too.
And those who arrived only at the eleventh hour,let them not be afraid by reason of their delay.
For the Lord is gracious and receives the last even as the first.

The Lord gives rest to those who come at the eleventh hour,even as to those who toiled from the beginning.
To one and all the Lord gives generously.

The Lord accepts the offering of every work.

The Lord honours every deed and commends their intention.
Let us all enter into the joy of the Lord!
First and last alike, receive your reward.

Rich and poor, rejoice together!
Conscientious and lazy, celebrate the day!

You who have kept the fast, and you who have not,rejoice, this day, for the table is bountifully spread!
Feast royally, for the calf is fatted.

Let no one go away hungry.

Partake, all, of the banquet of faith.

Enjoy the bounty of the Lord's goodness!
Let no one grieve being poor,for the universal reign has been revealed.
Let no one lament persistent failings,for forgiveness has risen from the grave.
Let no one fear death,for the death of our Saviour has set us free.
The Lord has destroyed death by enduring it.

The Lord vanquished hell when he descended into it.

The Lord put hell in turmoil even as it tasted of his flesh.
Isaiah foretold this when he said,"You, O Hell, were placed in turmoil when he encountering you below."
Hell was in turmoil having been eclipsed.

Hell was in turmoil having been mocked.

Hell was in turmoil having been destroyed.

Hell was in turmoil having been abolished.

Hell was in turmoil having been made captive.
Hell grasped a corpse, and met God.

Hell seized earth, and encountered heaven.

Hell took what it saw, and was overcome by what it could not see.
O death, where is your sting?

O hell, where is your victory?
Christ is risen, and you are cast down!

Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen!

Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice!

Christ is risen, and life is set free!

Christ is risen, and the tomb is emptied of its dead.
For Christ, having risen from the dead,is become the first-fruits of those who have fallen asleep.
To Christ be glory and power forever and ever. Amen!

my siblings in church before the procession

sophie holding a candle as we process around the church

cassia. she slept through the entire service, but conveniently enough, woke up just in time to eat candy

catherine. we were all having too much fun!

aidan cheesing it up

our robed splendor~holy friday at a glance

antiphon 15, one of the most beautiful hymns of holy friday:


TODAY HE WHO HUNG THE EARTH UPON THE WATERS IS HUNG ON THE TREE.

THE KING OF THE ANGELS IS DECKED WITH A CROWN OF THORNS.

HE WHO WRAPS THE HEAVENS IN CLOUDS IS WRAPPED IN THE PURPLE OF MOCKERY.

HE WHO FREED ADAM IN THE JORDAN IS SLAPPED ON THE FACE.

THE BRIDEGROOM OF THE CHURCH IS AFFIXED TO THE CROSS WITH NAILS.

THE SON OF THE VIRGIN IS PIERCED BY A SPEAR.

WE WORSHIP YOUR PASSION, O CHRIST.

SHOW US ALSO YOUR GLORIOUS RESURRECTION.

the cross and the kouvouklion (tomb)

sophie wearing the choir robes. we only had to wear them for holy friday, and she HATED every second of it!

the blasted organ

sophie showing her disgust for the robes

the church

Pascha is tomorrow. i'm so excited! kali anastasi (blessed resurrection)!!!!

some play pictures (april 2 and 3)

scary shaub...enough said

jenny took this while i was getting my hair done

kelly and i trying to take a picture. the two creeps lurking in the back are travis and shaub!

kelly and i at the cast party

i gots me some yellow shoes :)

k, that last post was far too embarrassing. I promise I will never, ever, ever post another blog while I’m suffering an emo moment. Promise! Unless it’s relevant, of course.

Ok, holy week is this week. Thankfully, holy week this year happens to coincide with high school spring break. I still have college, but it’s great to be away from high school so that I can actually attempt to make some spiritual progress. This lent has proven most difficult for me. I think it may be because I have a little more freedom this year. Obviously, I’m loving my independence, but to be honest, it has been difficult when it comes to my spiritual life, especially fasting. I mean, I don’t have mom holding my hand or breathing down my neck. I do think that this will be good in the long run. I should get used to my independence so that when I am truly independent I don’t go crazy and lose everything.


On another note, I can’t wait for pascha this year. Although it’s always a joyful time of year, it will be marvelous to here the service in English and with music that I’ve heard my entire life. Being an adopted greek has many positive aspects, and honestly I love it, but how am I supposed to grow spiritually if I can’t understand or pray along with the priest. It’s only logical, but not everyone sees it as the converts see it. I mean, I’ve always referred to the holy day as “pascha” which is the greek word for “Passover”. So, in a greek church, what do they call it? They don’t use the greek word that every convert uses. They refer to it as “easter”. No, this day is so much more wonderful. It cannot and should not be called the same thing as a pagan holiday. When I think of easter I think of rabbits and eggs. it’s just not as wonderful as pascha. Anyway, enough with the rant.


My happiest moment this week was purchasing my bright yellow sandals. Every time I look at them I smile. They make me happy! Of course, anything yellow tends to give me that sunshiny feeling. Also, they will clash beautifully with my blue pascha dress :P I admit…my outfits the true reason of why I am so excited about pascha. Superficial? Yes. Vain? Yes. Totally me? Of course! How could I ever stray away from vanity and superficiality, my two strongest character traits?


So, despite the gloomy countenance of the outdoors, the pile of homework that simply sits and stares, and even despite the looming school week, I can honestly say that I cam both happy and content. Yes, those two feelings have made a rare appearance, and I’m thankful.

momma

In a speech during his campaign, president elect barak obama was trying to defend his views on abortion. He stated that he didn’t want his daughters “punished with a baby.” I’m sure that obama didn’t intend to offend anyone, even though he usually does offend pro life people whenever he opens his mouth about abortion. However, I’m sure that he didn’t mean to offend anyone in the way that he offended me. In fact, he offended anyone who was born out of wedlock, or in and “inconvenient situation”. I was born 10 months before my parents got married, and in these 10 months my mom took care of me while also working full time and taking full time college classes. This was a very inconvenient situation for her. Does that mean that I was a punishment? Yah, I mean, being called a punishment just makes me fell warm and fuzzy all over. I feel absolutely dandy! Really great for my self esteem, you know what I mean? you know, I really don’t show very much appreciation for my mommy. We argue all of the time, which is probably a typical parent-teen relationship. I feel uncomfortable telling her that I love her, but I don’t understand why. I love and appreciate her so much. She made such a strong, difficult decision in keeping me, and, frankly, I’m really glad to be here. She and I have clashed quite a few times, and I admit, she has been very hard on me at times (of course, I don’t help anything by getting angry), but all the same, I can never forget the sacrifices that she made for me. So, I’ll say it now, even though you probably won’t read this…I LOVE YOU, MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

good teens~an oxymoron?

ok, so i've been thinking about the jonas brothers a lot. unfortunately. i really hate thinking about them, but i honestly like them a lot. not particularly their music, but they're really cute (especially joe), and more specifically, i truly admire their attitude. i love how they wear the purity rings and are devoted to God and their family. i just get so annoyed by the way that teens are habitually portrayed in tv, books and movies. i admit, there are a lot of bad teens out there, and the number is prolly still increasing. even so...i mean, can't something, somewhere portray at least some teens in a good light? i mean, there  IS such a thing as a good teen. i'm a virgin, don't do drugs, drink, and i rarely ever cuss. is this SO unusual that the phrase "good teen" is now an oxymoron? that really angers me. i mean, even if they begin to portray a teen in a good light, there's always something wrong with them. i mean, i'm a normal teen. i'm crazy, odd, and i struggle with the same thoughts and temptations. is it so unusual for people to simply say "no"? i mean, honestly. and it's not even that i'm that good of a kid. i get above average grades, but sometimes, not so great. i swear, i rebel, i say mean things about people, i gossip, i think bad thoughts, etc. i'm not a model teen, but who is? however, is it that difficult for adults to portray some teens in a decent light? why is it that the disney channel is one of the only channels that shows good teens? even so, they shows are awful, and aimed at pre-teens. to make everything even better, these teen stars often don't have the bestest life ever, and the media feeds off of that.  so, that's why i like the jonas brothers so much. i mean, obviously, they've made their mistakes, and they have had plenty of girlfriends (but is that really a bad thing?)...but, i mean, at least they try. at least they're making an attempt to be the best gents they can be. i mean, they're not so bad as the rest of us, and they have about a million more temptations. i mean, i feel bad for them.