what's with the picture?

well, i have discovered that my more interesting posts involve me just sitting down and writing random things about my life. the down side to this plan is that my posts have no structure. they don't have a specific form or topic for the day. so, bear with me. i'm still trying to figure this whole thing out.

my heart hurts. i miss you lots and lots. you know who you are. i hope you're reading this and missing me too.

i'm listening to the song "vanilla twilight" by owl city right now. it makes me wanna cry cuz it's so sweet. i'm very glad that i finally listened to it though. for a while i wasn't interested in listening to this song for the silly reason that the title has the word "twilight" in it. wow...how lame is that? now i'm in love with the song! thanks for making me listen to it, jo!

"as many times as i blink, i'll think of you tonight"

i have to leave for orientation at work in an hour. i'm a little nervous about it, but it should be an interesting experience. at least i'll be making some money, right?

so, something that i've been experiencing recently: denying how old i am. i mean, this is so silly! i'm not old enough to lie about my age, and yet, as long as i'm not talking to a hot guy, i'm very tempted to tell a fib. i was at target with my mom last night and i kept talking about the "jonas" backpack and the hello kitty shirts...i think she got rather sick of me asking for all of these ridiculous silly things. she asked me why i was acting so dumb, and that was when i realized that i keep acting like this because i don't feel like a senior. i don't feel like i should be 18 in less than a year. i feel like a should be 12. that seems so much more logical to me (SPOCK!). anyway, i DO feel kinda dumb in a way for acting like that and freaking out over jonas and hsm and hello kitty when i truly think it's all so terribly silly. i just wanna feel 12 again. however, so far 17 has been my favorite age. i distinctly remember hating being 12...i don't remember specifics, but i do know that it wasn't my favorite age. so why do i keep wanting to be 12 if this is the best year of my life so far, and 12 was very far from that? i keep asking myself this: what is so magical about 12 that makes me want to be that age again? i'm thinking it may have something to do with the fact that louisa still lived close(ish) at the time. in those days, it was unusual if we saw each other less than 3 times a week. i DO miss those days. i never thought that it would end. never for a moment guessed that two days after my 14th birthday, i would be given the worst news of my life. wow, i feel nostalgic right now!

i still have about 8 cans of mountain dew. just drop by if you wanna chat over a drink of mountain dew!