i'm not doing a very good job of keeping my resolutions. specifically the ones involving journaling and blogging. nope, not happening. well, i guess this will count, despite the fact that it's just a stupid post, all about my inabilities to communicate with an invisible audience. ah well. that is my life. all complaining, no acting. hehe.

1984. that is the topic of the project that i'm supposed to be working on at this time. nope, that's not happening either. we have to do chapters one and two. i have had the ideas of interpretive dancing and making a huge journal. for some odd reason, my partner dislikes the idea of the interpretive dance. i was quite excited about the part of the chapter where he fixes his neighbor's sink. just a thought.

i was called a hippie today. brava! i was going of on people who conform. the person who called me a hippie was also the child who was experiencing sock lust over my monster's inc socks. =D

9 days til lou comes. i'm SO excited! penguie is also very excited. how nice for my one best friend to be excited to meet my other best friend who he has never ever met before. he is very determined to meet her.

taco bell says hello. and good bye.

i can't wait to document lou's visit. it will be a beautiful thing.

unrealistic expectations...

-after a long day at work and the exhaustivity of the holidays, by far the best ever thing is curling up with sleepytime tea and reading a book
-snuggies are cozy
-despite hate-filled thoughts toward miley cyrus, after hearing "7 things i hate about you" today for the first time, i realized how perfectly her horrid voices sings of sillyface
-"penguie" doesn't give completely wonderful hugs,but i still love him. we are optimistic buddies foreverz!
-i wanna learn ukulele
-waking up at 9 and going to work at 2 makes the day seem super-duper short
-i will see louisa in 15 days =D
-i need to call sillyface to tell him the 7 things i hate/like about him

-mild rant about sillyface:
a) he and i will never logically work
b) unfortunately we are both horribly physically attracted to one another
c) our brains are telling us "no", our bodies are like magnets.............
d) i need to stop liking him because there is no hope.
e) i would much rather like "alpaca", and i do...just whenever anyone mentions sillyface, i start thinking about him and start to be sad.
THE END

-seeing someone read is a completely foreign experience to most people at my place of employment

-new year's resolutions (i will possibly be expanding this list in the near future)
*learn ukulele
*write in journal at least 3 times a week
*blog with every journal entry
*make one more wonderful friend
*see mountains
*become less (openly) boy crazy
*buy an energy drink
*develop a reputation at college
*ask an amazing guy to prom
*listen to more indie music
*attend more concerts!!!

-i'm finally beginning the realize the beauty of my hands (AWKWARD?)
-bluegrass charlie brown music=epic!

tumble dryer

Christ is Born!
Glorify Him!

yet another Christmas here and gone. sad to think about. didn't even feel like the holiday. one week until the new year. 2010. how weird. i'm getting old.

i'm also lonely. for a man. don't get me wrong, there are plenty of guys who like me, and i like plenty of guys (kind of an understatement) but i never like the guys who like me, and the guys that i like don't even pay attention to me/realize that i exist. i miss the security of "sillyface"...but it wasn't secure. it was nice to have someone there, but i never knew when we would next talk, and that was always really difficult. it's so weird...maybe i have super high expectations, but i just can't find anyone. like, i can't find anyone to date, much less my prince charming. when will i ever find him? i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm very discouraged. i rarely get "that kind" of attention from guys and when i do, it's either insincere, or else they are autistic or just someone who is an amazing friend and i wouldn't want to ruin that/ i don't have feelings for them.

now, in this society, at least when it comes to high school dating, it seems like more and more, you don't have to be infatuated by a person before you date them. you can just think they're cute, or even not think anything positive at all about the person. why are these things normal?it's ridiculous to date someone, to have an intimate, sincere relationship with anyone unless you really know that person and are sincerely determined to spend the rest of your life together.

don't get me wrong...i love going to movies, starbucks, and so forth with guys. it's a lot of fun. just as long as it's only that. a cup of coffee. a movie. a chat to better understand the other person. all of these are wonderful things. buttt....it seems like it's more acceptable for my friends/acquaintances to do that with someone they barely know and call it a date, let's make this a habit.

i know my writing skills are sub-par, so let me just make this clear to you: i HATE the idea of dating on a whim, or dating just to date. it makes my spine crawl! i don't know why i found it necessary to say that, but there are have it, folks: i'm lonely, discouraged and upset with the idea of dating just to date.

when i finally find someone who truly loves me for the crazy, dumb, insane person that i am, and when we start dating, it's gonna be sincere. i know it. i won't be able to dispel this lonliness with just anyone. it's gonna have to be someone very special. i hate being mature. but i shouldn't be discouraged because some day my prince will come. i may meet him in a few years, or i may turn around tomorrow and realize that it's somebody who's been there all along.

i'm also tired of being the girl who's ignored for being the "good girl". the modest one who honestly tries not to flirt or do anything wrong. i hate being pushed away because i have morals. i know, those guys aren't worth my time, but it still hurts because they're usually the only ones who pay attention to me. at least until they start talking to me and realize that i won't give them what they want, and don't even want to talk about it. all of the good guys, the ones who i truly admore and want to spend my time with, well, either i don't have feelings for them, or they don't realize that i just wanna be their friend, in my own, creepy manner. i don't know. i'm usually not great at articulating, so sorry that this is just a random jumble of nothingness. but that's how my brain feels right now. like it went through a tumble dryer.

happy 2nd day of Christmas!

happy november!

random pictures of the fall
happy family days
i love fall

i love my family

for realz?

i am on the school computers. they won't let me on very many websites. this and yahoo. no facebook. no myspace. no livejournal. nothin but blogger and yahoo. maybe this will force me to blog more frequently. probably not. well, i am still alive, in case you were wondering. today i get to go home at 10:30, eat tacos for lunch and tonight at silver wings we start choreography! what a beautiful day. i am very happy. i guess we are coming here again for research for english class. the research is pointless. i know everything about my character for the canterbury tales. therefore, i might just blog when we come here again third period. so perhaps i will see you again soon!

what's with the picture?

well, i have discovered that my more interesting posts involve me just sitting down and writing random things about my life. the down side to this plan is that my posts have no structure. they don't have a specific form or topic for the day. so, bear with me. i'm still trying to figure this whole thing out.

my heart hurts. i miss you lots and lots. you know who you are. i hope you're reading this and missing me too.

i'm listening to the song "vanilla twilight" by owl city right now. it makes me wanna cry cuz it's so sweet. i'm very glad that i finally listened to it though. for a while i wasn't interested in listening to this song for the silly reason that the title has the word "twilight" in it. wow...how lame is that? now i'm in love with the song! thanks for making me listen to it, jo!

"as many times as i blink, i'll think of you tonight"

i have to leave for orientation at work in an hour. i'm a little nervous about it, but it should be an interesting experience. at least i'll be making some money, right?

so, something that i've been experiencing recently: denying how old i am. i mean, this is so silly! i'm not old enough to lie about my age, and yet, as long as i'm not talking to a hot guy, i'm very tempted to tell a fib. i was at target with my mom last night and i kept talking about the "jonas" backpack and the hello kitty shirts...i think she got rather sick of me asking for all of these ridiculous silly things. she asked me why i was acting so dumb, and that was when i realized that i keep acting like this because i don't feel like a senior. i don't feel like i should be 18 in less than a year. i feel like a should be 12. that seems so much more logical to me (SPOCK!). anyway, i DO feel kinda dumb in a way for acting like that and freaking out over jonas and hsm and hello kitty when i truly think it's all so terribly silly. i just wanna feel 12 again. however, so far 17 has been my favorite age. i distinctly remember hating being 12...i don't remember specifics, but i do know that it wasn't my favorite age. so why do i keep wanting to be 12 if this is the best year of my life so far, and 12 was very far from that? i keep asking myself this: what is so magical about 12 that makes me want to be that age again? i'm thinking it may have something to do with the fact that louisa still lived close(ish) at the time. in those days, it was unusual if we saw each other less than 3 times a week. i DO miss those days. i never thought that it would end. never for a moment guessed that two days after my 14th birthday, i would be given the worst news of my life. wow, i feel nostalgic right now!

i still have about 8 cans of mountain dew. just drop by if you wanna chat over a drink of mountain dew!

pressure

so, this whole blog thing intrigues me. i can't figure out how to work it into my life. yes, i write posts...in a notebook, intending to post it on here asap. by the time i realize that i have a blog waiting to be typed and posted, it's too late. i'm not in the same mood as i was when i originally wrote it. and yes, that makes a difference. all the difference in the world. if i'm depressed or sad one afternoon and i write this wonderful blog expressing precisely what i'm feeling and i have every intention of posting it in the vast unknown of the world wide web...then i get home and suddenly i feel pretty, witty and gay, i have no desire to describe to the world my deepest, darkest feelings. i mean...really!

so now the pressure is on. my brother recently acquired a blog and i see him typing, typing, typing all the time. why must a feel this pressure to post a blog? i mean, i don't do it, i don't do it, right? who cares whether i have 7 or 3,967 posts...no one reads this thing anyway. so, no one's counting and no one cares...or DO you??? so this is a desperate post...must blog, must blog, must blog! blog zombie (wow, i'm lame, lol!)

in more recent and probably more interesting news, my toe nails are painted pink. not princess pink...hot, hot, HAWT pink! and i mean HHHHHOTTTTT! like i see steam coming off of my cute, little toesies!

louisa's hoody is hangin on the wood rocker...i miss her bunches and bunches and she hasn't even been on the plane for 2 hours! i need to clean the spare room...it's a mess. i have a feeling that our dorm in college will never, ever be clean, lol! how silly we are. i have like 10 cans of mountain dew upstairs that i will have to drink by myself now that louisa is gone. since you should never drink alone, does anyone want to come and share? just wondering! even if you live in brazil...that would be better than drinking all of that pop all by my little old lonesome!

i finished my lunch, so now i must take some dirty laundry downstairs and then go clean that horrid room. so, good bye to all of you beautiful people!